Never Was and Never Will Be
by LightOfDarkness
Summary: A song fic to Evanescense's "Everybody's Fool." Tea likes Joey, but he's dating Mai. Turns to dangerous solutions for her problem. Rated for my author's notes, I kinda got mad. More details inside.


LOD: So, I've got this kickass CD, Evanescence.  
  
Kahti: It's pretty, I love it!  
  
LOD: Anyway, I get my story ideas from music, and I write down all the possible pairings a songfic from that song will have, and so on.  
  
Kahti: Basically, her inspiration comes from music.  
  
LOD: Didn't I just say that? Well, back to the story. This song on the CD, "Everybody's Fool," didn't really call out to me like the others, but I wanted to use it.  
  
Kahti: My hikari's weird that way.  
  
LOD: Let me finish! So, I had an idea, but the song didn't exactly fit, but when I get ideas, they won't leave me along until I write them down.  
  
Kahti: Her muse and I are good friends. ^_^  
  
LOD: -_-; Hush! Well, the story is about Tea liking Joey, but he is with Mai. The song goes from Tea's point of view towards Joey and Mai, to Tea making almost everyone believe she's okay with the two of them together.  
  
Kahti: Girl wants guy. Girl can't get guy.  
  
LOD: So Tea tries to cope, but she's still scornful..  
  
Kahti: This is just an explanation for the song, if we're revealing too much, tell us!  
  
LOD: I wrote this at, like, 11:00 one night.  
  
Kahti: No, that was that other story.  
  
LOD: Whatever, just read and review!  
  
Kahti: ^_^  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~  
  
I watch as you try to pay attention to what the teacher is saying. As soon as her back is turned, you lean over to me.  
  
"Tea, do you understand this?" I smile, and put a finger to my lips.  
  
"Shh, I'll explain after class. I don't want to get in trouble." You blink those gorgeous brown eyes, and bite your lip. I love it when you do that.  
  
The bell rings, and I wait for you to come to my desk with your problem. You're there before anyone can leave the room.  
  
"So, what exactly was the teacher talking about?" I laugh, and I point to my notes.  
  
"We were trying to find what x is, so all you have to do is plug it into this formula," I write this out. "And solve it."  
  
You stare at my example, and understanding comes to your face. "Oh, that makes sense! Thanks, Tea!" You flash a bright smile, and I feel a bubble of warmth rise inside me. Then, a voice calls from the doorway.  
  
"Joey, we're going to be late! Oh, hi Tea!" Mai waves at me, and I wave back, a fake smile sliding onto my face. You pack up your stuff.  
  
"See ya, Tea!" You yell as you join Mai and leave me.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Perfect by nature  
  
Icons of self indulgence  
  
Just what we all need  
  
More lies about a world that  
  
Never was and never will be  
  
Have you no shame don't you see me  
  
You know you've got everybody fooled  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I don't know when exactly it was when I realized I had feelings for Joey. For the longest time, I thought it was Yugi, or even the spirit in Yugi's body that I had a crush on. But somewhere along the line, I discovered it wasn't him I wanted to be with, but my best friend instead.  
  
As I walk towards the door, Yugi stood waiting for me. I smile as we leave with each other, going down the hallway together a ways before he spoke.  
  
"How are you feeling?" I glance at him sharply, and look away just as quickly.  
  
"I'm not sure I want to talk about it." Yugi gazed at me out of his innocent eyes, and I realize that everything he's been through has been far from innocent.  
  
"You know you can tell me anything," His eyes moved so he wasn't looking at me. "And I know about you and Joey."  
  
I nod, remembering the night I went to Yugi's house and poured out my heart to him. He was the only person I could trust at the time. I stopped at my locker, and Yugi stood with me.  
  
"If you don't want to talk now, maybe you can come over to the Game Shop, and you can tell me about it there." I can't help but feel grateful for Yugi's friendship.  
  
"There's not much to tell. Every time I see them together, it hurts," I smile weakly. "But I guess I missed my chance. I had all the time in the world, but Mai beat me to him" I sling my book bag over my shoulder and shut my locker door.  
  
Yugi shrugs. "I'm sorry I'm not much help. All I can offer is my friendship." I put a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"And that's more than I deserve," He smiles at me, and I feel a little better. "I better go. See you tomorrow!" I wave as I enter the crowd of people leaving the building.  
  
I exit the school, and feel the sun kiss my skin. As much as I love school, being outside is better. I adjust the straps of my bag, and start walking home.  
  
As I head down the sidewalk, I see groups of students hanging around, waiting for rides, and just being with friends. I smile at familiar faces, and continue on my way when something catches my eye. I turn to see what it is and freeze.  
  
Joey and Mai were leaning against a wall, extremely involved in each other's faces. I look on as they make-out, and I feel a hollow feeling inside.  
  
I shift my gaze back to the ground in front of me, and I hurry home, ignoring the fact that my vision was blurred by tears.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Look here she comes now  
  
Bow down and stare in wonder  
  
Oh how we love you  
  
No flaws when you're pretending  
  
But now I know she  
  
Never was and never will be  
  
You don't know how you've betrayed me  
  
And somehow you've got everybody fooled  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I swing open my front door and slam it shut behind me. I kick off my shoes and rush upstairs to my room. Once there, I throw myself on my bed, and cry into my pillow.  
  
After a few minutes of all out bawling, I remove my face from the now damp pillow, and wipe my eyes. I feel emotionally drained and rather hungry, so I wearily change out of my school uniform and go downstairs into the kitchen. My parents are off on one of their trips again, so meals have been up to me. Good thing I'm used to this.  
  
I grab some leftover take-out and put it in the microwave, punching the buttons for a few minutes. As I wait, the rack of knives catches my attention. I step over, and pull one out.  
  
It's a carving knife, black handle, stainless steel blade. There was a cold sense of beauty around this everyday item, and I felt strangely called to it.  
  
Running my fingers along the side of the blade, I see the smudges the oils in my skin leave on the smooth surface. A thought comes to mind, what would happen if I died?  
  
I think of this as I reflect light off the knife. Who would miss me? Would Joey feel ashamed? Would he even know he was at fault?  
  
I lightly trailed the tip of the knife along my skin, sending tingles up my arm. Would I be able to come back to see who mourned? Would I see myself laying there, sleeping, never to awake again?  
  
Tightening my griop on the knife, started to press down on my wrist. While I was doing this, the microwave ringed, and I froze, realizing what I doing, what I was about to do.  
  
I threw the knife in he sink, staring at my wrist. I hadn't broken the skin. A wave of relief washed over me, and I rememered the what I had asked myself.  
  
Of course soemeone would miss me. Yugi would, Tristan too. Even Mai and Joey. But I could never do that to them, nothing is worth the pain I would have caused.  
  
I retrieved my dinner, and went up to my room to eat. I finally understood how dense I was.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Without the mask where will you hide  
  
Can't find yourself lost in your lie  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I finished my meal, and picked up the phone. I dialed Yugi's number, and listened to the rings on the other end until someone answered. "Hello, Motou residence."  
  
"Hi, Yugi. I was wondering if I can come over." I absently twirled the phone cord around my finger.  
  
"Well, it's fine with me, but," His voice got quiet. "Joey and Mai are over, along with Tristan." I stopped my twirling, and a small smile came to my lips.  
  
"I'm sure I can handle it. Be over in a bit!" I hung up, and laid back in my bed. This was it, I had to accept this, or I'll never be myself again.  
  
I jump off my bed, and I raced downstairs. I quickly put my shoes on and rushed outside. I slowed to a fast walk as I headed for the Game Shop, and I was convinced I was ready. Well, pretty close to being convinced.  
  
After walking for about ten minutes, I reached the Shop, and let myself in. I heard the voices upstairs, and followed them. They led me to the living room, where Yugi, Tristan, Joey, and Mai sat chatting. I smile.  
  
"Hey, guys! Am I missing anything?" Mai smiled, cheery as ever.  
  
"Unless Joey and Tristan going on about video games counts as something, no." I laugh, a real laugh that surprises even me.  
  
I sit on the couch next to Joey, and notice Yugi giving me a strange look. It was a cross between confusion and distress. He must be afraid I'm going to have an emotional breakdown. Well, too late for that, I already had one.  
  
"Mai," I lean back to look around Joey at the girl next to him. "Tell me something. I've known Joey for years, and he still drives me crazy. How do you stand it?"  
  
Joey gave me a fake hurt look, while Mai chuckled. "I guess I build up immunities faster than you." I grin as the others laugh. I've forgotten how much I liked Mai before I forced myself to hate her.  
  
Looking at Joey, I feel something inside myself screaming at me to say it, so I do. "Joey," I take a deep breathe. "I care about you, and I want you to know," I smile. "I'm happy for you."  
  
Somehow, it seemed like a load was lifted off of him, and he grabbed me, bringing me into a hug. Everyone got quiet as I was squeezed.  
  
"Tea," Joey whispered into my ear. "You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear that from you." I felt my eyes tearing as we sat on that couch in Yugi's living room. Everyone just stared on as I cried into Joey's shoulder, but I didn't care. I felt so free.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I know the truth now  
  
I know who you are  
  
And I don't love you anymore  
  
It never was and never will be  
  
You don't know how you've betrayed me  
  
And somehow you've got everybody fooled  
  
It never was and never will be  
  
You're not real and you can't save me  
  
And somehow now you're everybody's fool  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
End.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~  
  
LOD: Yeah, the last part of the lyrics bug me, but it's done and over with, just don't yell at me!!  
  
Kahti: I'm gonna come and review it!! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!! I have the power of flaming!!  
  
LOD: Right, I forgot. Kahti's gone off and left me.  
  
Kahti: I got myself my own username and everything. And don't cry, I'm doing you a favor!!  
  
LOD: T_T But I'll miss you!!  
  
Kahti: Don't be silly, I'll still be here! I'm just handling your reviews for you. You've got nearly 30 pages on your review history, and you needed help!!  
  
LOD: Yeah, sure, whatever.  
  
Kahti: You okay?  
  
LOD: I'm fine.  
  
Kahti: Oh, hi Bakura!  
  
Bakura: What's with her? I came over because I wasn't in this one and I wanted to see how bad it was.  
  
LOD: Oh, really. Well, you know what, Bakura?  
  
Bakura: *Smirks* What?  
  
LOD: You can fuckin' go to hell! I'm sick of this!! I try my best to make everyone happy, and I can't take it anymore!!  
  
Bakura: O_O Um.  
  
Kahti: O_O Honey?  
  
LOD: I mean, I sacrifice my free will to do this!! Every frickin' thing I do makes me think about what kind of story it can be involved it! I'm the fuckin' authoress, I'll do what I damn please!!  
  
Kahti: Yes, that's true.  
  
Bakura: I think I'll go now.  
  
LOD: Yes, leave me. That's what everyone seems to be doing lately!! Leaving me alone in the world!!  
  
Ryou: Hey, what's going on?  
  
LOD: Ryou! *Grabs onto the silver haired teen and holds him in a hug* They're being mean to me!!  
  
*Ryou looks at Kahti over LightOfDarkness's shoulder, and the female yami shrugs*  
  
Bakura: Well, bye!  
  
*Runs like the wimpy Brit he is. Hey, I said I was the authoress!*  
  
Kahti: Light-D, I'm not leaving you, I just have my own account!  
  
LOD: *sniff* Really?  
  
*She takes her head off Ryou's now wet shoulder*  
  
Kahti: Of course, sweetie! I'll never leave you on your own! You know I can't!  
  
LOD: Yeah, you're right. I love you! *Hugs Kahti*  
  
Kahti: ^_^ I love you too!  
  
Ryou: I'll never understand girls.  
  
Bakura: *In Ryou's mind* Let's be thankful for that, aibou.  
  
LOD: *Still has a hold on her yami* Don't forget to review!! 


End file.
